Listening Skills
What was that you said?
The Art of Listening
Giving good feedback, leading a team and becoming a good coach and mentor requires superior listening skills. It is not just about nodding and agreeing – it is about asking the right questions, probing and showing that you have a genuine interest in what is being said. This is what they call ‘Active Listening’ and it requires a good understanding of different questioning techniques, as well as patience and empathy.
It is estimated that up to 40% of employees are put off by negative feedback they receive in a one to one conversation with their managers – something that could be avoided with better listening skills and an ability to question more appropriately.
A huge majority of people ask very bad questions. Asking good questions is not a natural talent. Our natural tendency, in any kind of dialogue, is to talk too much, to lead the other party towards our own way of thinking and to overload them with multiple questions. Most people can think 4-6 times faster than they speak. So the tendency is often to let our minds run away with themselves and not focus enough on what is being said. There are many other barriers to good listening though, some of which are discussed below.
The result is very bad communication where the limited amount of information obtained is of poor quality. Then we wonder why decisions taken on the basis of the information obtained turn out to be wrong!
INTERACTIVE LISTENING
In any dialogue there is a difference between questioning and interactive listening.
Questioning: In a questioning situation the coach / mentee / manager takes the initiative in deciding which kind of information he /she needs. The way in which the interlocutor proceeds to ask for information may vary from empathetic questioning to interrogation to inquisition.
Active listening: In the interactive listening mode the coach / mentee / manager asks questions concerning only the information being provided by the caller.
Prepare to Listen:
- As a professional you should always prepare yourself to listen by asking yourself: ‘What new things can I learn from this person?’
- Consider the ‘listening barriers’ and pinpoint your own bad habits.
- Avoid distractions.
- Lean forward and look like you are ready to listen.
What are the Listening Barriers to Good Communication?
Here are some example barriers to listening and what they mean:
1. Scoring Points - Relating everything you hear to your own experience
2. Mind Reading - Predicting what the candidate is going to say before they actually say it and then not listening when they do.
3. Rehearsing - Thinking about your next question before the candidate has actually finished the one you are on.
4. Cherry Picking - Listening for a key answer and switching off when you get it
5. Daydreaming - You can think 4 – 6 times faster than people can talk.
6. Labelling - Making a judgment about somebody before hearing all the evidence. Not giving them a fair chance to prove themselves.
7. Duelling - Countering everything the candidate has to say – not giving him/her a chance to air their own views
8. Counselling - Not being able to stop yourself from interrupting and helping them.
9. Side Stepping Sentiment - Not listening to emotional expressions, countering them with jokes or clichés
How well do you listen?
A = Always - U = Usually - S = Sometimes - O = Occasionally - N = Never
1. I show interest in the person who is speaking…
2. I continue to listen even if the subject becomes boring…
3. I am able to concentrate even when the subject becomes complex…
4. I try to create the right environment for listening…
5. I listen even when I have no knowledge of the subject…
6. I clarify points to make sure that I have understood…
7. I regularly summarise key points…
8. I always give my full attention to the speaker…
9. I always show interest in the subject under discussion…
10. I always manage to control my emotions…
11. I always jot down key points of the conversation while it is taking place…
12. I keep a note of the time and date of my meetings…
13. I always get the caller’s name at the beginning of the phone call…
14. If the office is busy, I face a wall to avoid distraction…
15. If a phone call is at an inconvenient time, I arrange a call back…
16. I read between the lines, listening to what is not said as well as what is…
17. I don’t interrupt when the other person is speaking…
18. I try to give my counterpart my full attention when they are talking, rather than planning what I will say next…
19. I always clarify the meaning of words or technical terms that I don’t understand…
20. I make continuity noises, such as ‘yes’ or ‘ok’ to show that I am listening…
Calculate your responses:
Always = 5 points
Usually = 4 points
Sometimes = 3 points
Occasionally = 2 points
Never = 1 point
What did you score?
80 - 100 = Excellent
You have an extremely positive approach to using the telephone and would appear to listen carefully. You have a friendly nature and get on well with most people. There may be some room for improvement. Examine your scores in great detail and see where this improvement can be made.
61 - 79 = Good
You do seem to care about your mentees / team but you could be a little bit more positive in your approach. Keep working at it and try to stamp out your bad habits. Do not settle for being good when you could be excellent!
46 - 60 = Quite Good
Work more on your listening skills. Look at the areas you struggle with and see how you can improve on this.
36 - 45 = Room for Improvement
Sometimes you are a good listener, but your inconsistency can often make others feel that you are not paying attention. So you could be missing essential pieces of information. Look at the areas where you scored least and concentrate on improving.
20 - 35 = All Areas Need Development
Perhaps you try to do too many things at once because you do not seem to be paying attention to the people you are dealing with. Take control and devote time to the person with whom you are speaking. Think about the ideal answers to this questionnaire and start to think about how you can improve. Set yourself realistic weekly targets and try the test again in a few weeks time.
Stay tuned for more Communication Skills Techniques over the coming weeks…